For several years, the Polish studio from Żywiec, Asmodev, has been working on a title that will probably turn out to be their magnum opus. The developers already have three smaller productions under their belt: Infernal Radiation , Ultimate Summer and Priest Simulator: Heavy Duty – a demo version of the prologue of the actual game, which we will discuss in a moment. On October 6 , Priest Simulator itself was released in the early access version. This is a title that is intended to be a parody of simulators, similar to Goat Simulator , but here we are dealing with a completely different gameplay. The narrative is mockumentary, and the game is a combination of a pseudo-simulator with elements of sandbox, hack n’ slash, RPG. All from first person view. WhenPriest Simulator appeared on Steam and players’ screens, totally baffled everyone with the lack of boundaries in the sense of humor and devotion to the climate of our homeland. PS The review will only be an overview, not an evaluation of the game, because we are not dealing with a full version.
vampire priest? But how?
In the game, we play the role of the vampire Orlok, the star of Hell, raking in tons of splendor in the Infernet (Yes, Hell has its own network). His life seems to be a series of successes and a real idyll – in the breaks from pounding hellish monsters, he spends time with his girlfriend Vamela and his beloved bat, to the delight of the audience. Everything turns upside down when, after defeating Bebok, the vampire is inexplicably sent to the Polish village of San De Vile, once a stronghold of Christianity. This is witnessed by the inhabitants, led by the most important person, the parish priest of Torpedo. Torpedo, wanting to show off in front of the parishioners, performs an exorcism on Orlok, which makes him lose his evil powers, which is the source of internet fame and success. Wanting to regain superpowers and return with Vamela to the bat, a vampire is drawn into a mission to rebuild a local church by the parish priest. Currently, San De Vile is struggling with a high level of Satanism, and tracksuits dressed in red, horned balaclavas terrorize the area once dedicated to the Lord Jesus. Few Christians (not Christians) together with Torpedo count on Orlok, who can restore the Polish countryside to the times of Christian splendor, as in the times of Cardinal Kremuva.
If the prologue described above already seems abnormal to you, I warn you – this is just the tip of the iceberg. Asmodev has practically no boundaries in black humor, absurdity and almost infinitely draws from the Polish meme culture. “Kremuva” is just one of the many references to John Paul II, and in addition, during the game we will come across many other quotes and references known in Polish pop culture. Although the plot may seem chaotic at first and only draws you in, as it progresses, it really draws you in and quickly allows the player to identify with the need to regain his former power. On his way, Orlok will meet many colorful characters: in addition to the parish priest Torpedo, it will also be the esoteric enthusiast Nostramadus, the ruthless journalist Rolaf, or the seductive, Christian sorceress Melissa. Pursuing his goal, the vampire priest will roam the landscape of San De Vile, completing various quests, fighting the satanic plague, collecting holy relics and funds to renovate the church.
What’s going on in this game?
It’s not easy to define this game by genre. We explore the map from the first-person perspective, wielding celestial cleansing tools in both hands. Seemingly, the gameplay (especially during combat) looks like in the cult Postal2 , but appearances are obviously deceiving. An interesting solution is to treat both Orlok’s fists as separate “murder tools”. We attack with them independently of each other, as well as select weapons separately for each of them. The number of tools may not be impressive, but each of the weapons and gloves has its own characteristic properties and is useful in various ways in combat (and not only). For example: the telekinesis glove allows us to manipulate elements of the environment, which will work both in attacking Satanists and getting to hard-to-reach locations.
Asmodevs must admit that they took care of the climate, because it is felt at every step. Before Orlok’s eyes, a Polish village straight from the People’s Republic of Poland appears. Heaps of scrap metal, neglected houses, household appliances lying in random places, NPCs with a “parochial” approach to the world – this is daily bread in San De Vile. In addition, when the vampire arrives, the area is largely terrorized by Satanists led by Diabolina. The buildings and stops are “decorated” with pentagrams and three sixes. Many houses are locked, because the demon-possessed inhabitants suffer inside. This will be Orlok’s secondary goal: to wipe out the harmful stigma of Satanism from the village and restore a strong faith in the church in San De Vile. Just like Mr. Kremuva said.
What distinguishes Priest Simulator’s gameplay from Postal the most is its RPG elements. As we progress, we will be able to strengthen our budding priest in faith, as well as his equipment. Supplements bought from the cunning shopkeeper Bomba will strengthen our attack power or endurance. The splendor (experience equivalent) gained will make Orlok immune to evil powers, which will translate into greater resistance during exorcisms, etc. The vampire priest can also craft and upgrade his arsenal of weapons in the church basement. We will do it with the use of a mysterious raw material – black metal.
Another of the duties of the new cleric will be to bring the church of San De Vile, which is falling into ruin (literally), to its former glory. The earned PLN can be spent on the renovation of individual elements, as well as on the construction of completely new ones. Some of the structures, such as the confessional, will additionally provide the player with a mini-game. Of course, money does not grow on trees here either, and the amounts of funds needed for the renovation of the church may scare you a bit. However, let’s not worry, because as every self-respecting priest knows, collected on small trays can be infinitely multiplied in the local casino. Or lose. Never mind.
Georgians play us during the crusade
A great soundtrack by the band Gruzja deserves a special mention . Prepared for the game, the album Vulgator will set you up for battle with heavy metal riffs and surprise with electronic inserts. Creating a reinforced Krucafuks in the basement with the radio on, I felt like an action hero – preparing in my own privacy for the huge battle that is about to take place. You can also listen to Georgia in the game during rides with the spiritually summoned Toddler. After all, every priest can “pray” a car.
Impressions
Knowing that I played the title as yet incomplete, I’m looking forward to the full version of Priest Simulator after finishing it . This is without a doubt a game players will either love or hate. The sense of deliberate trash, kitsch, mockery and politically incorrect humor accompanies us all the time, and the developers undoubtedly remain totally uncompromising in their vision. I belong to the half that loved Priest Simulator , and I will watch with interest how God’s constant battle with Satan unfolds in the peaceful countryside of San De Vile.
